Hades (Kid Icarus) vs RED (NES Godzilla Creepypasta)
It's a Battle of Gargantuan Demons! Which of these two Satanic Substitutes would win in a Clash of the Colossi? Introduction Will: In this world of ours, there are all sorts of things that bring horror and terror to humanity. Spiders, snakes, the edges of cliffs, and so on. However, none of these can match the horror that comes from witnessing a Colossal Demonic Overlord. Zeta: It's definitely a contender for the Top Ten. Just look at Hades, the Ruler of the Underworld. Will: And Red, the ruler of the nightmare world of Zenith. Zeta: Since these two combatants are deeply connected to their respective realms, this battle will take place on a composite version of the Underworld and Zenith. That way, both of them can fight using their full potential. Will: I'm Will and that's Zeta. It's our honor to analyze their weapon, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle. Hades Will: Welcome to Angel Land, the home of a strange remixed of Hellenic monsters and deities. Zeta: Wait, Angel Land? Is that where Kid Icarus really takes place? Will: Well, that's what it was called back in the 8-bit games in the series, and Uprising never gave us an alternative, so yes. Angel Land is actually a fairly diverse place, containing not only the regular Overworld where humans live, but also the Underworld and Skyworld, the home of the Goddesses Medusa and Palutena respectively. Zeta: As is often the case, the Goddess of Darkness started a war against the Overworld and Skyworld. She was stopped by Palutnea's Champion, Pit, and would disappear for 25 years before invading again. Once again, she was stopped by Pit. Will: As it turned out though, despite being the Goddess of Darkness and commander of other deities, Medusa was never actually the ruler of the Underworld. Zeta: Wait, then who was? Sorry to keep you waiting! Will: Meet Hades, the scheming and manipulative True Master of the Underworld. His power is beyond that of even other Gods, and his agenda can only be described as sick and twisted. None can- Zeta: He's Purple. Will: What? Zeta: He's a big purple man that trolls angels and flirts with goddesses. And maybe its a cultural thing, but I'm not really into men that can't even be bothered to get a haircut. So yeah, I'm not exactly impressed. Will: Hades may not be the conventional "Dark Lord of Evil," but that's no reason to underestimate him. He is something of a mischievous troll, but only because he is powerful enough to get away with it. Zeta: Having run through some calculations based on the height of Kid Icarus characters and objects, we have calculated that Hades is roughly 155 to 160 meters tall, over 500 feet. For comparison's sake, that is bigger than Godzilla and King Ghidorah, and is only somewhat shorter than Slattern or the Seattle Space Needle. And that's not counting how his body seems to be bigger on the inside, based on what Pit saw after being eaten by Hades. Will: Hades wears what he calls a "Devastation Ensemble," which despite its appearance, is not a gaudy collection of warts and technicolor ribbons. It is covered in countless turrets, which will fire lasers and magic bursts that home onto their target. Sure, they may be vulnerable, but they make up for this with their sheer quantity and ability to respawn over time. Plus, some of those turrets are shaped like his face. Which is extra creepy. Zeta: Hades hardly needs extra gear to fight his foes. He can fire massive energy beams from his hands, send a score of smaller homing attacks, and shoot smaller blasts from other parts of his body like his eyes and feet. And sometimes, he mixes in batches of energy shields that reflect projectiles. These attacks all have a great range, able to damage targets miles away. He can summon a tornado to surround himself, create gravity wells in the palms of his hands, and... make giant drills erupt from his chest... are you sure these aren't the notes we wrote for Gurren Lagann? Will: Absolutely. Hades is also a physical powerhouse. He has been able to break giant stone pillars with chops and demolish small mountains in a single punch or divekick. Zeta: That requires as much as 100 megatons of power. For comparison, the most powerful nuclear weapon ever created, the Tsar Bomb, has a yield of 50 megatons. Will: That drill he summons from his chest is able to pierce armor that he can't simple punch through. And he's been able to tank attacks of similar magnitude. And that's not even taking his trump card into play. War's End Zeta: Why did the music just change? Will: As the Ruler of the Underworld, Hades oversees the souls of the deceased. Somehow, Hades found a way to use the energy of these departed souls to his advantage. By permanently destroying souls, Hades can regenerate from severe injuries in a matter of seconds. He has been able to shrug off losing the lower half of his body while maintaining supersonic flight, regrowing his lost limbs within a few seconds. Likewise, he took the loss of his head and a massive hole through his chest with annoyance, easily recovering after a moment. Zeta: His Godly powers dont stop there. Within the Underworld, Hades is able to teleport at will, an ability he keeps to a limited degree elsewhere. And in case he doesn't want to instantly warp to a location, he is extraordinarily fast for a giant. He can sprint at speeds of over 200 Miles per hour and, based on the mach cone of the Great Sacred Treasure, fly at no less than Mach 3, matching the pace of the Great Sacred Treasure. Will: To top it off, Hades is also a fairly intelligent fighter. He has repeatedly been able to outwit, outmaneuver, and manipulate his opponents, both over longer periods of time and in the heat of battle. His ability to contact his foes telepathically helps, since it lets him troll them from across the world. The seemingly silly nature Hades possesses allows him to misdirect opponents and cause them to make bad decisions. Zeta: With all this being said, Hades is not indestructible. He may be able to regenerate limbs with ease, but said limbs will be weaker than the originals due to the massive amount of soul energy required, and open up new weak points. His arsenal is vast, but he can only use portions of it at a time. And although he is fast both on the ground and in the air, his reflexes are mediocre in comparison. Not to mention his strongest energy attack has a ludicrously long charge time of half a minute, far too long to be used in an actual battle. Will: Of course, none of that stopped Hades from defeating Medusa with a single punch, destroying the most powerful weapon ever created, slammed alien battleships into one another, and generally masterminding the plot of the Kid Icarus franchise. Sorry to keep you waiting! But now that I'm here, let's get this party started! Red Password Screen Zeta: In an alternate version of the Godzilla lore, there is a planet called Zenith. It is a very nasty place full of dark temples, lakes of blood and lava, chimeras formed from the corpses of countless creatures, and landscapes of bloody flesh. It's basically Hell, but with more giant monsters. Will: You'd think in a world like this, it would be utter anarchy, with no clear ruler. But this is where you'd be wrong. Will: Meet Red, the Hell Beast. The one being on Zenith powerful enough to not only survive, but dominate. Zeta: At a glance, Red resembles a sort of demonic centaur crossed with a scorpion. At 105 meters high, or about 345 feet, he is a bit taller than Godzilla, with spider-like legs, arms ending with claws, and a tail like a scorpion's. Will: Red can use his claws and pointed tail to rapidly rip and tear into enemies, being far more agile than many other kaiju his size. He also has several tricks up his sleeve, such as launching a jawed tentacle out of his mouth, launch scores of energy needles, and being able to shoot flames from his mouth and claws. One of his hellfire attacks can cover a wide area with cursed flames. Zeta: While we're covering basic abilities, it should be noted that Red is an extremely capable omnivore. He can devour virtually anything, and often consumes chunks of geography between him and his prey when hunting. Eating huge chunks of earth often takes less time than simply traveling around it. Will: In addition to these dietary feats, Red also has Psychic powers, with which he can temporarily control peoples' bodies and cause heart attacks. However, since these abilities are seemingly never used against any non-human targets, we'll not be factoring for them in this battle. Zeta: In addition to his base "Running" form, Red has several forms he can quickly switch to. First is his Swimming form, ideal for traveling underwater. It can also rain large explosives upon foes. Will: And despite its name, while Red is on Zenith, the Swimming form can levitate in the air. Will: Red's Flying form can do just what you'd think. It is not as fast as some colossal flying monsters, but it makes up for this with its remarkable agility, comparable to Mothra, and the ability to physically tear through obstacles without pause. Zeta: However, none of these three forms compare to Red's Final Form. The Final Battle Will: Zeta, how big is that thing? Zeta: It's hard to be very specific, seeing how Red's posture is somewhat curved. But we can assume that Red is approximately 400 meters tall and well over 1000 meters long. Will: Between its base forms and Final Form, Red earned quite the resume. When fighting four kaiju in succession, he was able to hold his own against the likes of Godzilla and Anguirus, devour Mothra, and eventually crush several kaiju in seconds after reaching his Final Form. All while taking hits from the likes of Godzilla, who can slam kaiju into the ground hard enough to activate a volcano! Taking this thing on must be like fighting a mountain. Zeta: Red is not invulnerable though. Though extremely durable even in his smaller forms, he has no special resistances against any types of attacks. In fact, holy weapons or attacks seem to be extra effective against him. And although he's perfectly intelligent, Red is not good at thinking on his feet. In the heat of battle, he can make major miscalculations and lose sight of his goals. Will: But unless you happen to have a giant Sword of Evil's Bane lying around, there are few opponents you'd want to avoid more than Red. I WILL END THIS FUTILE STRUGGLE Intermission Will: Alright, our combatants are set. Zeta: It's time for a Death Battle! Death Battle On the planet Zenith, the scenery was as grotesque as usual. Temples watched the horizon with their glowing eyes, chimeric flesh golems wandered the wastes, shadow beasts swarmed across the darker parts of the landscape, strange things swam in lakes of blood, and one being towered above its domain. Red was, by the standards of demon tyrants, quite pleased. Though he had been resisted not so long ago, the rebellion had fallen, and the treasonous Solomon was one with the ashes in the wind. Red’s musings were interrupted by the sight of some creatures flying in the distance. Focusing, he saw a variety of unusual creatures. Giant skulls alight with purple flames, soaring green whales that spewed floating eyes, spiked spiraling shells with purple lips. Nothing inherently bizarre, but not the usual locals. Then, with only a brief shimmer giving a warning, a large purple biped appeared in front of Red. It stood even taller than Red did, and wore a large cloak and a toothy grin. “Why hello, my monochrome friend. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but after a couple of decades touring the cosmos, I thought it was best to return to the Underworld. I do appreciate what you’ve done with the place. The Temples of Flesh do match the curtains very nicely. But I’m afraid you’ll have to be going now.” Red was not impressed. PATHETIC WORM. YOU CAN DIE LIKE THE REST. Hades sighed dramatically. “I see we’re going to have to have to establish the hierarchy here. Here, let me show you the way down.” FIGHT! Sweet Home Battle Theme The two titans started charging straight towards one another. Both moved quickly along the hellish surface, with Hades’s arm pulled back for a punch and Red’s claws mouth open and claws extended outwards. Hades landed the first blow, with his fist flying into Red’s forehead before Red could close the distance between them. The force of the impact barely seemed to affect Red, who quickly ran into the opening left in Hades’s attack. As his claws came close to Hades’s torso though, his Devastation Ensemble opened fire. Dozens of lasers and bursts of energy fired upon Red, whose attack was diverted by this surprise attack. Hades teleported some distance back, once again creating a wide gulf between the two titans. “Honestly, I can’t say you’ve done much to impress me thus far. Are you even the proper ruler of this world? Or is this some sort of bait and switch kind of deal?” Red, furious at this slight, began a second charge at Hades, but this time Hades didn’t bother charging back. He stood with his arms crossed, letting his Devastation Ensemble fire countless small attacks at the oncoming hellbeast. As Red closed in, Hades let an eyebrow raise, noting how his adversary seemed almost unaffected by these attacks. Still, he gave no reaction as Red closed in the last few hundred meters before lunging with his claws once more… Only for Hades to suddenly vanish. As Red swept at empty space, Hades reappeared at Red’s left side, fists closed together and slamming downwards like a hammer… Only for Red to pull away from the attack, tail whipping forward to leave a long slash along Hades’s right arm. Before Hades could escape, either on foot or via teleportation, Red lunged back at the God. Much to Hades’s surprise, one of Red’s spider-like legs shot directly towards him, piercing a fair distance into one of his own legs. Hades swung at Red with a fist that could break mountains, only for Red to fire a long clawed tentacle-like appendage from his mouth. The demonic kaiju, holding Hades in place via pierced leg and held fist, began to strike with his tail, piercing Hades’s torso several times before Hades could throw Red off balance. “It’s good to see that you do have some fight in you after all,” Hades remarked. “But it makes no difference in the end.” Red’s eyes narrowed as he saw the wounds he left in Hades start to vanish, replaced with a fiery blue substance that resembled the rest of his body. “Let’s see if you can keep up!” Hades demanded as he leapt into the sky, casually demolishing the sound barrier in the process. Glaring at the trail left behind, Red’s form twisted, his spider-like legs growing into a set of talons and a pair of bat-like wings sprouting from his back. In a moment, he was flying upwards. REX vs RAY As Hades looked back, he saw that Red’s form had shifted to meet his challenge. “Versatility is something I can appreciate,” he muttered. “But there’s no way you can keep up at that speed.” Even as Hades slowed and turned to face his foe, it took Red some time to catch up with his floating enemy. “Tell me, are you usually this slow, or are you just that worried about the trouble you’re in?” For the first time since the fight began, Red spoke. YOU ARE NOT LEAVING Red flew straight at Hades, firing a barrage of thin needle-like shots from his maw. Hades laughed in response, summoning reflective barriers that deflected many of the shots back at Red. The deflected shots ripped into Red, provoking a roar of pain. Hades followed this up with a pair of beams, fire from each of his palms. Red swerved to evade these, attempting to get closer, only for Hades to soar ever higher, leaving Red behind. Flying just fast enough to maintain a stable distance between him and Red, Hades began to prepare energy for a single powerful attack. “Since you’ve been able to brush aside my other blasts, here’s one I’ve been saving just for you!” Red attempted to close the distance between themselves and Hades, only to soon realize that their air speed was no match for the Underworld’s Ruler, even when he was charging what seemed to be a powerful attack in the meantime. Realizing a change in technique was required, he fired another salvo of needle-like energy shots at Hades. Hades, though somewhat limited by his need to hold his growing energy attack in place, was able to brace for the impact. “Pah! Your little needles won’t prevent this attack!” Hades, with his attack almost ready, turned his attention towards the distant Red. To his surprise, Red had changed form once more, trading his wings for piscine fins while still floating in the air. And rather than staring down Hades or his upcoming attack, he was looking above him. A moment of genre savviness was the only warning Hades had before feeling the full impact of a a giant falling mine. As it interrupted his attack at the last moment, Hades let out a snarl of frustration, only to see more mines falling. He flew down in a dive, using gravity to his aid in avoiding these falling explosives. As Hades landed on the ground once more, flames covering the parts of his body where the mine hit, he saw Red landing in front of him, once more assuming his default “Running” form. “Those mines really hurt you know. But hey, at least I'm not dead!” Quickly running into a full sprint, Hades ran straight at Red, like an elephant charging down on a jeep full of tourists. This time, rather than trying to deliver a punch, Hades simply bulldozed into Red, knocking him off his feet and back. Red tried to strike back, waving his claws and tail at Hades, but the God of the Underworld gave him no openings. Hades’s running speed wasn’t too fast for Red to react to, but anything moving at such a speed was too much to bear, even for the Hellbeast. Before long, Red was lying on the ground. A gray liquid was pouring out of his mouth and from sections of torn flesh across his body. Hades towered over him, arms once again crossed as he gloated over his victory. “Well, that didn’t go very well for you, did it? Still, I have to admit, you’ve left a mark on me. You’re kind of like a rose that way. A vibrant shade of crimson and some sharp thorns, but ultimately fragile. Any closing words?” Red’s eyes glowed. I’M NOT DONE WITH YOU Dance of Illusions Red’s body seemed to vanish before Hades, who felt that this action seemed to contradict Red’s parting words. Then, the ground shook, and Hades turned his head. Before him was a great monster, over twice his height. “Huh. I suppose this is what everyone else feels like when meeting me.” Red immediately opened his mouth, a stream of hellfire pouring out. Hades was taken off guard, and was completely engulfed in flames. As the flames finally abated, Hades’s appearance had drastically changed. His purple skin was completely replaced with blue flames. Hades recognized when he was in a tight spot, and took off into the air. He flew back quickly and prepared for a flying punch. As Hades closed the distance between him and his foe, he threw his fist forward, landing a glancing blow along Red’s shoulder as the now-larger opponent attempted to evade the attack. It took Hades a few moments to slow down from his attack and turn for another flying attack, by which time Red was facing Hades again and prepared for another blow. This time, as Hades closed in, Red caught Hades’s fist with his four claws, blocking the soaring God’s attack. As Hades was kept in place by Red’s claws, another huge fireball erupted from his maw. Landing point blank on its target, it created what seemed to be a giant skull, composed of red and yellow flames. Hades struggled beneath the attack, but the claws of the hellbeast kept him in place, digging into his flesh. I WILL END THIS FUTILE STRUGGLE Even as the flames had not fully disappeared, Red lifted Hades upwards. The God’s flesh was still healing from the attack, and large portions of his body were missing. Hades’s healing was slower than before, and was struggling to keep up with the pace of his injuries. With one final swift motion, Red opened its mouth to consume the God, his jaws detaching like a snake’s before closing down. KO! The kaiju surveyed the horizon, noting with satisfaction that the unusual creatures that came along with Hades were already being destroyed by the denizens of Zenith. Soon, this battle would be foggy with time, and Hades would simply be another of Red’s many victories. Conclusion Hades: All in all, he wasn’t the worst opponent to lose against. Will: Wait, didn’t you just meet an untimely demise? Zeta: And why did you wait until now to break the fourth wall? Hades: Silly mortals. My fourth-wall-related powers are strongest after I’m dead. Of course, none of that helps me defeat Lord Crimson over there. And since this is a fight to the death and I died… postmortem hijinks hardly matter. So don’t let me interrupt you. Will: Okay… anyway. When Hades fought against Red in his non-Final forms, he was the more powerful combatant by a fair margin. However, as Zeta will explain, Hades has a poorly optimized character build. Zeta: That’s not how I’d put it, but Will’s basically correct. Hades had a number of advantages over Red, but these didn’t complement each other very well. Sure, Hades can land powerful physical blows, and his speed gives him the ability to close distances quickly, but even with his teleportation, he lacks the agility to always land these blows. Will: Alternatively, another strategy Hades attempted was to use his many projectile attacks from a distance, using his speed, flight, and teleportation to keep away. However, Hades’s most impressive feats have all been based on his physical attributes. Even with his Devastation Ensemble, he can barely do more than chip damage. And his one truly powerful ranged attack has such a long charge time that it’s virtually useless. Zeta: In contrast, Red in his basic forms was pretty well balanced, thanks in large part to his ability to quickly shift forms. Not only was he remarkably agile for a giant monster, but he could take plenty of punishment, deal nasty physical attacks, and use its limited but diverse array of ranged attacks. Will: Ultimately, the best bet for Hades when fighting another giant opponent would be to keep close, winning in a long battle of attrition. With this strategy, he could use his regeneration factor to outlast his foes and still land some good hits. Zeta: Of course, this is not a great strategy for fighting Red’s final form. In their final form, Red can use their strength and durability to counter Hades’s attacks and their agility to eventually catch Hades in a moment of weakness. Hades may have an impressive healing factor, but its repeated use becomes less effective with time, meaning Red had time on their side. Will: Then we have the mental factors. On one hand, Hades is a skilled manipulator, and could easily keep Red chasing after him and letting him lead the way for much of the fight. However, Red has far more experience fighting giant opponents. Zeta: Whereas Hades has virtually no experience fighting other giant foes, except for that one incident where he beat Medusa in a single punch, Red lives on Zenith, a planet filled to the brim with giant monsters. Even before facing Godzilla, Red had defeated or otherwise established supremacy over Solomon, the False Angel, Mecha King Ghidorah, and Destoroyah, some of whom are actually larger than Red in his basic forms. Will: And it’s not as if Red lacks much power. Red had the upper hand against the Heisei era Godzilla, who was capable of tossing around other kaiju and tanking nuclear weapons. Hades: It looks like Red was too hot for me to handle. Will: … Zeta: … Hades: What? Will: That was a terrible pun. Zeta: That was Boomstick-level puncraft. Hades: The winner is Red. Do you agree with these results? Yes No Category:Salnax Category:Mecha/Colossal Duel Category:'Kaiju' Themed Death Battles Category:'Demon vs Demon' Themed Death Battles Category:What-If? Death Battles Category:Completed What-If? Death Battles Category:What-If? Death Battles completed in 2016